I had a bit of a surreal moment today. This morning I wrote my first post on this blog which is going to be a blog following my journey of weight lose and ultimately getting healthy. In writing my introduction I wrote a small bio that included my pastoral status. It freaked me out a bit. As many of you know 6 years during an intense evening of prayer I heard God say (no audible voice or burning bush, it was more like I just knew what had to be done) that I was supposed to become a pastor and plant a church. It was an experience like no other, I had and to this day have no question it was God so I immediately (after freaking out for a bit… being a pastor was the last thing I would ever had wanted to do) started looking into what it would take to make that a reality.
For the last 6 years I have been in a constant state of “one day” being a pastor. As I started to pursue my Undergraduate degree in Religion at Liberty University it was so that “one day” I could get a Masters degree and become a pastor. When I started pursuing my Masters degree it was so that “one day” I could graduate, plant a church, and then I would be a pastor. In my mind pastor-hood has always existed for me in the future tense.
Last year I preached my first sermon ever. It was for a class, of course I don’t think it was great, I was nervous (who wouldn’t be when you’re speaking on God’s behalf), but there were some people that left impacted and that’s a win in my book. After the service my friends and family who were in attendance took me out to Steak and Shake for a celebratory dinner (I love those). While there two of my friends, who, if we understand the notion of the church Biblically, are among the people that make up my local church unit, decided that I was qualified and ready to be ordained, so they did.
This is my ordination document. I have it framed in my office; it is signed by my two friends who wrote it, my wife, and my brother-in-law. It was written on the back of a Steak and Shake place mat (you can see that in the thumbnail image above). I love it. According to the state and the Southern Baptist Convention, ordination is the process through which a body of believers (church) publically recognizes that an individual has been called by God to lead His people as a pastor (usually as their pastor). In most churches this process involves church leaders ordaining other church leaders but that is a process born out of tradition. The Southern Baptists recognize that if a congregation says an individual is their pastor and is ordained, that person is. Even though I am not a church traditionalist, and even though I love my “ordination document,” I have always felt that I needed to be “officially” ordained by a church. Therefore, even though ordained, being a pastor was still a “one day” event.
About six months ago a good friend of mine asked me to help him plant his church. He is planting in Concord, NC, about an hour away from Greensboro but we have both attended Liberty and have both focused on different areas while there so we have a good set of complementary skills and knowledge. Initially he asked me to help him with hospitalities but ultimately he asked me to be his Executive Pastor. In my mind that essentially meant that I was the administrative guy, which at this early stage is largely true. I do a lot of the necessary paperwork, making sure legal matters are taken care, I am the sole HR rep right, a lot of what I do is behind the scenes work done throughout the week. I’m also the guy that fills in the gaps where needed. For the last six months that has been my mindset. I have still been looking out for the day when I will “one day” be a pastor.
Last week I graduated with a Master’s Degree in Church Planting and Evangelism. I have decided not to continue pursuing my Masters of Divinity degree, many of the classes are not going to helpful for church planting. There is still, a week after graduating (which I am very proud of), feeling like I am not qualified to do the work ahead because I did not get that quintessential “pastor degree.” I recognize how silly this is, the classes that I would have had to take to finish that degree would have been mostly useless in helping me plant a church, I recognize that my time, energy, and money would be better spent taking other classes and taking away the knowledge, or spending the next few months focusing on learning all I can working with my friend. I know those things but still there is this part of my brain, and it must be located in the insecurity sector that feels that without that degree I’m not qualified to do this thing I know I have been called to. It makes me feel very silly.
So, now to what prompted this (very long) post. Earlier today I wrote this:
“Currently I am ordained working as the Executive Pastor at a church plant in Concord, North Carolina.”
It didn’t dawn on my until a good bit later that I have never written those words before. I have never written that I am ordained. I have never thought of myself as ordained, not really, although I recognize that I have been. I accept my ordination but because I don’t think many pastoral leaders would I feel like I shouldn’t accept it… but I do. It also made me re-examine my title. My title is the “Executive Pastor.”
While much of what I do revolves around paperwork I am still a pastor in this church. I am ordained, I have been trained to be a pastor and church planter, I am performing the roles of a pastor… I am a pastor. “One day” is here, it’s today. I recognize that to fulfill the vision for my life God gave me I still have a long way to go, namely I have to plant a church, but as far as the part about becoming a pastor I have arrived. It is a hard thing to grasp because it has always been some future reality. What is even weirder is to think about how my future reality has become my present reality and my future reality has changed.
So, this is me, Seth Markwood, totally inadequate, ordained, qualified pastor; just a messed up kid working my hardest to please God and live a life that brings Him honor and glory. Even though I don’t feel good enough for my calling who am I to tell God He’s got the wrong guy? When God calls you its okay to think He’s got the wrong guy but trust Him and do it anyway. He knows more than us. He knew more than Moses and he’s the quitasential archetype of a guy who didn’t feel worthy for his calling, but look at what God did through his obedience. All you have to do is what God says. That’s why I can say, even though I don’t understand why, that I am a pastor. Weird.
